While discussing my having to get a new car...
M.R.: Toyota Corollas... best vehicles on the market jk
Me: what do you drive?
M.R.: Toyota Corolla 06
Me: lol... Oh. Do you love it? I hated my car, mostly because it was just a lemon. But it sure did protect me.
M.R.: Lemon?
Me: There was always something wrong with it.
M.R.: Well, my car is mediocre in everything. Mediocre in gas mileage, handling, price.
Me: lol...
M.R.: But hey, you always see people with their 10 year old Corollas running on the streets. And there's a reason for that. They last. 'Cause they're so medicre at everything.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
The Value of Life
I was in a really bad car accident this morning. I mean REALLY bad.
I was on 495, heading south towards Virginia, in the far left lane. My car started to fishtail (it had been raining) and then started to drift into the next lane. I turned my wheel to the left to try to get back into my original lane, but the car wouldn't obey... I suppose my big mistake was when I panicked and hit the brakes, because that's when I started to hydroplane. I slid all the way over to the right, my car spun out, hit the wooded area/foliage off of the shoulder, and then just when I thought that's where my car would stop, it happened. My car flipped. Yes, my car FLIPPED OVER, landing on the hood and roof and leaving me hanging upside-down in the driver's seat.
It's very surreal, being in your car when it's overturned on the side of the highway. My first thought was to find my phone, because I wasn't sure if I would be able to get myself out of there, and I needed to call 911. When I couldn't find my phone, I tried to unbuckle my seatbelt, which took a few attempts but I finally got it off. I dropped a short distance, and then tried to find my phone again with no luck. I looked over to the window to see if I could get out that way. Luckily it was shattered, and I crawled out of it.
I just stood there, staring at my car for a few minutes, halfway crying and halfway trying to figure out what to do next. No one had stopped to see if I needed help... not yet, anyway... and I couldn't find my phone. When I finally found it, I dialed 911, but at that point a really nice couple had pulled over and told me that they were already on the phone with emergency services and that they were sending someone out there.
I examined myself as I stood there with them by the side of the road, and realized that I was totally fine... No pains, everything functioning, and only a few cuts on my hand from where I crawled out of the car over broken glass. Every emergency response person who was there looked at me with an odd disbelief. I suppose they thought I should still be stuck in the car or very badly injured. But I wasn't...
While I was in the ambulance pulling away from the scene, I saw my car. It was one of those things you see but never think that it'll happen to you. But things like that have the chance of happening to anyone. I was EXTREMELY fortunate and blessed to walk away from that accident. And I realized that I, and most people, really often conduct themselves with that, "It'll never happen to me" attitude. The truth is that I think we should all stop living our lives with that type of disregard. It happened to me, and I lived to tell the tale. But your life is really not something you should play games with. It should be valued and cherished.
LESSONS LEARNED:
1.) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS wear your seatbelt. I'm telling you, it'll save your life. Lord knows where I'd be right now if I hadn't been wearing mine.
2.) Invest in an emergency kit for your car... something that includes devices that will cut your seatbelt and break your windows, in the event that you're trapped.
3.) ALWAYS have your phone, identification, and medical insurance card with you. You should also carry or program into your phone some emergency contacts that are clearly labeled. For example, all of my family's phone numbers are saved as "Mom," "Dad," "Sister," and "HOME" so that there is no confusion if an EMT ever had to call someone for you.
4.) NEVER take life for granted.
I was on 495, heading south towards Virginia, in the far left lane. My car started to fishtail (it had been raining) and then started to drift into the next lane. I turned my wheel to the left to try to get back into my original lane, but the car wouldn't obey... I suppose my big mistake was when I panicked and hit the brakes, because that's when I started to hydroplane. I slid all the way over to the right, my car spun out, hit the wooded area/foliage off of the shoulder, and then just when I thought that's where my car would stop, it happened. My car flipped. Yes, my car FLIPPED OVER, landing on the hood and roof and leaving me hanging upside-down in the driver's seat.
It's very surreal, being in your car when it's overturned on the side of the highway. My first thought was to find my phone, because I wasn't sure if I would be able to get myself out of there, and I needed to call 911. When I couldn't find my phone, I tried to unbuckle my seatbelt, which took a few attempts but I finally got it off. I dropped a short distance, and then tried to find my phone again with no luck. I looked over to the window to see if I could get out that way. Luckily it was shattered, and I crawled out of it.
I just stood there, staring at my car for a few minutes, halfway crying and halfway trying to figure out what to do next. No one had stopped to see if I needed help... not yet, anyway... and I couldn't find my phone. When I finally found it, I dialed 911, but at that point a really nice couple had pulled over and told me that they were already on the phone with emergency services and that they were sending someone out there.
I examined myself as I stood there with them by the side of the road, and realized that I was totally fine... No pains, everything functioning, and only a few cuts on my hand from where I crawled out of the car over broken glass. Every emergency response person who was there looked at me with an odd disbelief. I suppose they thought I should still be stuck in the car or very badly injured. But I wasn't...
While I was in the ambulance pulling away from the scene, I saw my car. It was one of those things you see but never think that it'll happen to you. But things like that have the chance of happening to anyone. I was EXTREMELY fortunate and blessed to walk away from that accident. And I realized that I, and most people, really often conduct themselves with that, "It'll never happen to me" attitude. The truth is that I think we should all stop living our lives with that type of disregard. It happened to me, and I lived to tell the tale. But your life is really not something you should play games with. It should be valued and cherished.
LESSONS LEARNED:
1.) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS wear your seatbelt. I'm telling you, it'll save your life. Lord knows where I'd be right now if I hadn't been wearing mine.
2.) Invest in an emergency kit for your car... something that includes devices that will cut your seatbelt and break your windows, in the event that you're trapped.
3.) ALWAYS have your phone, identification, and medical insurance card with you. You should also carry or program into your phone some emergency contacts that are clearly labeled. For example, all of my family's phone numbers are saved as "Mom," "Dad," "Sister," and "HOME" so that there is no confusion if an EMT ever had to call someone for you.
4.) NEVER take life for granted.
Friday, October 24, 2008
I wonder...
Ya know, I wonder what it's like to be nice to EVERYBODY, even if you don't like them. I mean, I am pretty good at being fake, but truthfully, it drains me. If I don't like you, you're gonna know it. I won't be mean to you. I won't say horrid things to you. I won't abuse you. I won't ANYTHING you. I guess that's how you know: I can kinda treat you like you don't exist.
But in the office, you witness fakeness all the time. And I don't mean being professional. I can be professional. If I have to work with you, and I don't like you, I'll still work with you and get shit done. But don't expect me to go to lunch with you, or converse with you outside the scope of our work. I just mean that there are people that I work with who I KNOW don't like other people. Yet they manage to carry on conversations with them, and joke with them, and act like nothing is going on. I kind of envy that ability... KIND OF.
I just wonder what it must be like to be able to do that. Because, I gotta tell ya, I am COMPLETELY incapable of it.
But in the office, you witness fakeness all the time. And I don't mean being professional. I can be professional. If I have to work with you, and I don't like you, I'll still work with you and get shit done. But don't expect me to go to lunch with you, or converse with you outside the scope of our work. I just mean that there are people that I work with who I KNOW don't like other people. Yet they manage to carry on conversations with them, and joke with them, and act like nothing is going on. I kind of envy that ability... KIND OF.
I just wonder what it must be like to be able to do that. Because, I gotta tell ya, I am COMPLETELY incapable of it.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Voice Imodulation Syndrome
From a Weekend Update skit on SNL, where Will Ferrell plays Jacob Silj... Watch the video here.
Will Ferrell: (in a loud voice) Thank you Tina. Our relations with China have long been shaped by a tug of war between economic interests and political ideologies.
Tina Fey: Holy God.
Will Ferrell: Yes, I'll get to religion Tina, but first Taiwan (pulls out map) A Japanese colony until 1945 --
Tina Fey: No Jacob. Your voice.
Will Ferrell: My voice?
Tina Fey: You're shouting.
Will Ferrell: How dare you. I have a voice related medical condition.
Tina Fey: Oh, I'm very sorry.
Will Ferrell: I suffer from voice immodulation Tina. I'm unable to control the pitch or volume of my voice. Also known as Van Horton's Syndrome, VI is a recognized psycho-medical condition which you may have read about in Newsweek or Crack Magazine. Numerous prominent Americans suffer from this debilitating disease Tina, including the guy who played Rodge on "What's Happening" and tennis great Pete Sampras.
Tina Fey: Jacob, I've heard Pete Sampras speak and he doesn't shout all the time.
Will Ferrell: Pete Sampras has low grade voice immodulation. He is a poster child for voice immodulation awareness and proof that even the voice immodulated can contribute to a society filled with prejudice people like you. Tina.
Tina Fey: Jacob, that's not fair.
Will Ferrell: Fair! I'll tell you what's not fair, Tina. Imagine being at a high school dance, singing along with everyone else "and a little bit softer now, and a little bit softer now, and a little bit softer now." Or how about sitting in the privacy of your church confessional and whispering to your priest, "I've had impure thoughts about that hippy puppet in the Muppet Show Band."
Tina Fey: Janice?
Will Ferrell: Janice, yes. Or looking into a woman's eyes and gently murmuring to her, "I want to touch you, I want to touch you."
Tina Fey: OK Jacob, we get it. It's a problem.
Will Ferrell: No wonder I'm a 48 year-old virgin.
Tina Fey: Right well Jacob thanks for coming out. Thank you.
Will Ferrell: Boy Jacob, you could have taught these people a lot about China tonight if it weren't for that rude bitch.
Hilarious, right? Well it's only hilarious on SNL or when it's happening to someone else. It's NOT hilarious when you have to share an office space with someone who seems like they suffer from "VIS." I mean, obviously this girl doesn't actually suffer from that, but it sure as hell feels like it. Why... WHY must you shout at someone who is standing right next to you? We're in an office. Lower your voice, for crying out loud. No one cares about your difficulty with purchasing season football tickets. No one wants to hear your phone conversations. Need to talk to someone across the hall? Get up and go to their office. There are other people here trying to work.
In short, SHUT UP.
Will Ferrell: (in a loud voice) Thank you Tina. Our relations with China have long been shaped by a tug of war between economic interests and political ideologies.
Tina Fey: Holy God.
Will Ferrell: Yes, I'll get to religion Tina, but first Taiwan (pulls out map) A Japanese colony until 1945 --
Tina Fey: No Jacob. Your voice.
Will Ferrell: My voice?
Tina Fey: You're shouting.
Will Ferrell: How dare you. I have a voice related medical condition.
Tina Fey: Oh, I'm very sorry.
Will Ferrell: I suffer from voice immodulation Tina. I'm unable to control the pitch or volume of my voice. Also known as Van Horton's Syndrome, VI is a recognized psycho-medical condition which you may have read about in Newsweek or Crack Magazine. Numerous prominent Americans suffer from this debilitating disease Tina, including the guy who played Rodge on "What's Happening" and tennis great Pete Sampras.
Tina Fey: Jacob, I've heard Pete Sampras speak and he doesn't shout all the time.
Will Ferrell: Pete Sampras has low grade voice immodulation. He is a poster child for voice immodulation awareness and proof that even the voice immodulated can contribute to a society filled with prejudice people like you. Tina.
Tina Fey: Jacob, that's not fair.
Will Ferrell: Fair! I'll tell you what's not fair, Tina. Imagine being at a high school dance, singing along with everyone else "and a little bit softer now, and a little bit softer now, and a little bit softer now." Or how about sitting in the privacy of your church confessional and whispering to your priest, "I've had impure thoughts about that hippy puppet in the Muppet Show Band."
Tina Fey: Janice?
Will Ferrell: Janice, yes. Or looking into a woman's eyes and gently murmuring to her, "I want to touch you, I want to touch you."
Tina Fey: OK Jacob, we get it. It's a problem.
Will Ferrell: No wonder I'm a 48 year-old virgin.
Tina Fey: Right well Jacob thanks for coming out. Thank you.
Will Ferrell: Boy Jacob, you could have taught these people a lot about China tonight if it weren't for that rude bitch.
Hilarious, right? Well it's only hilarious on SNL or when it's happening to someone else. It's NOT hilarious when you have to share an office space with someone who seems like they suffer from "VIS." I mean, obviously this girl doesn't actually suffer from that, but it sure as hell feels like it. Why... WHY must you shout at someone who is standing right next to you? We're in an office. Lower your voice, for crying out loud. No one cares about your difficulty with purchasing season football tickets. No one wants to hear your phone conversations. Need to talk to someone across the hall? Get up and go to their office. There are other people here trying to work.
In short, SHUT UP.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Hi-ya!
A.S.: You scared the shit out of me just now...
Me: I did? Why?
A.S.: I didn't see you coming down the hall.
Me: Maybe it's because I blended in... like a ninja...
**I proceed to "hi-ya," karate chop, punch, and kick the air for about 5 minutes**
A.S.: You look like a retarded ninja...
Me: But the point is, I look like a ninja.
Me: I did? Why?
A.S.: I didn't see you coming down the hall.
Me: Maybe it's because I blended in... like a ninja...
**I proceed to "hi-ya," karate chop, punch, and kick the air for about 5 minutes**
A.S.: You look like a retarded ninja...
Me: But the point is, I look like a ninja.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I don't get it...
I like art. Despite my obvious technical inclinations, I think things that are creative and beautiful and that evoke certain emotions. The National Gallery of Art is probably my most favorite museum in Washington, DC, and I could spend simply hours there, just gazing at artwork and taking it in.
That being said, I really don't get modern art. When I go to the NGA, I spend most of my time in the West Building. That's where the more classical art is: Monet, Degas, Vermeer, Whistler, etc. The East Building, I don't really dig so much. I guess I just don't know what classifies it as "art." I know most modern art is supposed to make some sort of a statement - whether it be a proud declaration of rebellion or an abstract conveyance of emotion. But a haphazard arrangement of Pick-Up Sticks or a pile of spaghetti doesn't feel like art to me. I went to a small exhibit with a friend relatively recently, where they displayed a wall of Ziploc bags filled with various things... some sort of "baggie project," I guess. Some of them, I understood... They were obvious. Like the bag that was called, "Looking for a Good Time," and contained a pack of cigarettes, so me beer bottle caps, a condom, and some matchbooks from clubs. But then there were others, like the one that had a piece of string and helium in it, or the one that just had creamed corn. Selling for how much? $100.
So I don't get it. Creamed corn is "art" because someone put it in a plastic bag and pinned it to the wall? And it's not even like it had some title that would show you that it was meant to be a metaphor or something, like "Humanity Today" or whatever. It was just titled, "Creamed Corn." Sorry, but I'm not paying $100 to purchase something that will soon be growing it's own colony of something else. Maybe that's why it's art... because it's the piece that keeps on re-creating itself... until finally you're left with partially decomposed corn, a swarm of gnats, and maybe a new strain of illness in your house.
I don't understand. Therefore, I invite all of you to help clue me in. Explain modern art to me. Like, what makes this a famous artwork:
I think my nephew drew something not unlike this on his shirt on Saturday. Except he did it by accident while messing around with crayons...
That being said, I really don't get modern art. When I go to the NGA, I spend most of my time in the West Building. That's where the more classical art is: Monet, Degas, Vermeer, Whistler, etc. The East Building, I don't really dig so much. I guess I just don't know what classifies it as "art." I know most modern art is supposed to make some sort of a statement - whether it be a proud declaration of rebellion or an abstract conveyance of emotion. But a haphazard arrangement of Pick-Up Sticks or a pile of spaghetti doesn't feel like art to me. I went to a small exhibit with a friend relatively recently, where they displayed a wall of Ziploc bags filled with various things... some sort of "baggie project," I guess. Some of them, I understood... They were obvious. Like the bag that was called, "Looking for a Good Time," and contained a pack of cigarettes, so me beer bottle caps, a condom, and some matchbooks from clubs. But then there were others, like the one that had a piece of string and helium in it, or the one that just had creamed corn. Selling for how much? $100.
So I don't get it. Creamed corn is "art" because someone put it in a plastic bag and pinned it to the wall? And it's not even like it had some title that would show you that it was meant to be a metaphor or something, like "Humanity Today" or whatever. It was just titled, "Creamed Corn." Sorry, but I'm not paying $100 to purchase something that will soon be growing it's own colony of something else. Maybe that's why it's art... because it's the piece that keeps on re-creating itself... until finally you're left with partially decomposed corn, a swarm of gnats, and maybe a new strain of illness in your house.
I don't understand. Therefore, I invite all of you to help clue me in. Explain modern art to me. Like, what makes this a famous artwork:
I think my nephew drew something not unlike this on his shirt on Saturday. Except he did it by accident while messing around with crayons...
Friday, October 17, 2008
"The theme for my design is the lobby of The Golden Clone, a cloning agency. Not to offend or anything, but just because 2 people are good-looking, sometimes they have really busted kids."
-Eddie, Top Design contestant
Quote + The look on his face when he said it + His tone = Me laughing hysterically.
Because, let's face it, it's the truth.
-Eddie, Top Design contestant
Quote + The look on his face when he said it + His tone = Me laughing hysterically.
Because, let's face it, it's the truth.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Quotes from the Weekend
A.S.: Digestive cookies??
Me: That says, "Distinctive..."
A.S.: Oh. I just saw the "Di..." and made the rest up myself.
**************************************************
Me: But why would they put me in the combo class? I thought I was pretty smart back then...
D.M.: HA!
**************************************************
Me: You're getting another plate of food?
N.P.: Yup. And you're gonna sit here with me until I finish it, too.
**************************************************
N.P.: Why did we like spinning around poles so much when we were little?
**************************************************
Me: She sent the lyrics to "Kokomo," and the first thing that poppped into my head was that funky hamster dance music.
**************************************************
My cousin (who is a recent immigrant) via text message to my sister: Can you tell me what does "youngin" mean? But don't tell anybody that I asked you...
**************************************************
Me: Can I steal one of these book covers?? I bet I still know how to properly cover my books.
My old 8th grade homeroom teacher: Yes, you were very talented at that. You were always prepared.
Me: Yeah, I was a big nerd, huh? I know it...
Teacher: Well, the principal is going to ask you for money later on, so I don't want to say anything that might offend you...
Me: That says, "Distinctive..."
A.S.: Oh. I just saw the "Di..." and made the rest up myself.
Me: But why would they put me in the combo class? I thought I was pretty smart back then...
D.M.: HA!
Me: You're getting another plate of food?
N.P.: Yup. And you're gonna sit here with me until I finish it, too.
N.P.: Why did we like spinning around poles so much when we were little?
Me: She sent the lyrics to "Kokomo," and the first thing that poppped into my head was that funky hamster dance music.
My cousin (who is a recent immigrant) via text message to my sister: Can you tell me what does "youngin" mean? But don't tell anybody that I asked you...
Me: Can I steal one of these book covers?? I bet I still know how to properly cover my books.
My old 8th grade homeroom teacher: Yes, you were very talented at that. You were always prepared.
Me: Yeah, I was a big nerd, huh? I know it...
Teacher: Well, the principal is going to ask you for money later on, so I don't want to say anything that might offend you...
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